Who is there?

Who is really there for you?

 

 

At the end of the end, when all is said and done and the days and nights are long, who is really there for you, beside you? . . . Loving you with a warm embrace, a cup of loving kindness, and a heart full of love, gentleness, and understanding.  I think it is left to each of us alone, as we must find ourselves inside of our own heart of hearts, and to embrace our lives with tender loving kindness. No matter the scar, the confusion, the pain or the people, or the situation. It is up to us to help ourselves get through the grief and the pain, to the other side. Where the light is. That is what matters most…where the light is.

 

There really is no one out there to help us, but ourselves. Our own sweet spirit, our own beautiful heart and mind, and the love we so deeply carry inside of us. It is the purest form of medicine we have available to us, to help us heal from any wound. It is inside us.

 

I’ve noticed since the passing of my Beloved Mother, who was the person closest to me throughout my lifetime, that there were few friends who showed up to be with me…to stand with me…to sit in silence with me, and to love me when I needed their love the most. One of them was there for Mom’s Memorial Service and visitations for a couple months afterwards, but since then total silence.  Another friend was not available for the first six months, and when she returned to visit recently, it seemed to be all about her and her life and needs. I felt almost invisible.

I am most grateful for those who did appear and sat by my side in these most difficult moments of grief.  Even if I don’t understand their silence, I do know that silence is pure.  

At the beginning of this year when my journey of grief began again, I was given these words that have helped me every day. They are posted above my nose on the front of my desk, so I read them every morning and afternoon. (I don’t remember who sent them to me, but I think it was Moon Omens.)

“No one is coming to save you. To give you permission To choose you. To validate you. This has always been your job.  You have to love yourself so fiercely that you have no other choice but to be strong for yourself, to fight for yourself, to be yourself, and to build yourself.  It’s time for you to get excited and fall in love with your life all over again.  There is so much being divinely orchestrated for you behind the scenes. Trust you are supported. If you could see what was coming, you would not be doubting what is next. You’ve come this far, be happy, raise the vibration and jump for joy. Visualize your desired outcome and know that it is definitely possible. The Universe and the Divine have got your back and always will.”

Thank you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nothing Sweeter than a Mother’s Love!

Mom.  She meant the world to me. In every way!

 

 

She was the light of my life, the glue that held me together through thick and thin, through all the years. She was the inspiration for so many of my dreams.  She always had my back, and made me laugh and cry… sometimes in the same afternoon and minutes apart. All the time. She had extraordinary charm and wit that sent waves of love and laughter wherever she was.  And she was also difficult, and at times, not easy to understand. Mom lived an extraordinary life, from Berlin, to Shanghai, to New York, to Miami Beach, to California. What she left behind are the extraordinary memories of a love so deep. So special. So profound. So close. Mom was my best friend.

She traveled the globe, but no matter how far she went, she always came back to where the love was closest to her heart. I will miss her forever. There is no other love like a Mother’s Love. It is eternal and elegant.

I’ve not been able to bring myself here for a very long time, until tonight…to write about Mom and her passing through the veils.  It was on a late evening in mid-January, just before my birthday. She was in hospice care at home, and I had been taking care of her for a long time. But this last year of her life was different than any other. And she knew it too. Something was wrong, and she kept telling me she felt different. I knew it too. After so many doctor appointments, brain scans, blood tests, and trips to the ER, one of her doctors finally admitted that she suffered from a slight stroke and suggested I take her home and love her as best I can for the rest of her life. We did that, not knowing how long we would have together. It wasn’t long.

Auf Wiedersehen, liebste Mutter.  I carry your heart with me, inside my heart. Every day. Every where I am, you are always with me. 

I don’t know how I have survived these last six months without you close to me. There were times I did not think I would make it through another day, another moment, to the other side of grief. Grace stepped in and I let go of it all. Feeling the feelings and acceptance was the first step. 

My entire life changed forever when it was your last day. Silence. Stillness. Death. Witnessing your crossing over, through the veils, from life to heaven’s gate. Ever since that moment my world was turned upside down, inside out. I am like a spinning circle that never stops spinning, and never knows what each day brings to the compass point I land on. All I know is that there is an emptiness here, that I have never known before and I feel this immense heartache of loss. And I know it is all about our love.

I know that I will heal from the depths of this grief and losing you, as I feel you are with me, guiding me every day. I still rise to greet you every morning, as I look at your photograph and smiling eyes. And then I smile too.

Thank God we shared so many beautiful years together, and so many travels around the world.  These memories carry me through, and carry me forward. I will always miss you, but I know that wherever I go, you go too. You are inside my heart, and I carry your heart with me always. Everywhere. 

Thank you Mom for your Love and eternal Blessings of kindness. Thank you for Life! Goodbye my Darling Mother, my liebste Mutter. Auf Wiedersehen. 

I’ll see you on the other side when I arrive someday and embrace you with all my heart and soul.

Forever & Always,

XO Rita