Effexor weight gain
Although gain medical professionals dismiss the effexor likelihood weight that dosage weight plays a weight role, it is important to gain consider that it might for effexor certain people. It appears as weight though individuals with lower BMIs (body mass indexes) tend to gain the weight most weight, whereas people with average or high BMIs tend to experience less gain of a effexor noticeable weight effexor increase gain while taking Seroquel. This is due to the fact that the drug gain slows your metabolism. Factors that influence weight gain gain on Seroquel. Also discuss the time span over which you have been taking the drug and any other gain factors that may weight have contributed to your weight gain gain. Asked by, patti1280, updated, topics effexor, obesity, weight. Made by Pfizer, gain the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved Effexor in pill form effexor in 1993 for the treatment of depression, and in extended-release capsules, called Effexor XR, in 1997. For women who take antidepressants in the second and third trimesters of pregnancy, there is a risk that the baby can be born prematurely, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness. Interaction effects : Those that take Seroquel with other drugs should note that the drugs could be interacting to increase weight gain. Also known as cyclic antidepressants, TCAs are effexor some of the earliest forms of antidepressant medications. While taking the drug. The drug has been shown repeatedly to be more likely to cause weight weight gain and to increase appetite than other drugs. If you have experience taking Seroquel or are currently in the process of taking it, feel free to share your experience in the comments section below. Types that may cause weight gain. Examples of TCAs are: amitriptyline (Elavil) amoxapine desipramine (Norpramin) doxepin (Adapin) imipramine (Tofranil-PM) nortriptyline effexor and alcohol (Pamelor) protriptyline (Vivactil) trimipramine (Surmontil monoamine oxidase inhibitors weight (maois mAOIs are another early class of antidepressants and have generally been replaced by newer antidepressant drugs. According to a 2017 study, ssris were associated with weight gain when users engaged in "unhealthy behaviours such as eating a standard gain Western diet, weight lack of exercise, and tobacco use. If you are getting poor sleep, are highly stressed, and make poor dietary choices, youre probably going to gain more weight than someone who is getting quality sleep and making healthy dietary selections. Experts emphasize that worries about gaining weight shouldnt influence the choice of antidepressant for most people. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (ssris) The most commonly prescribed form of antidepressant medication, selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (ssris) have been associated with weight loss effexor and alcohol in short-term use, but may cause weight gain when used long term. A person should always consult a doctor before making changes to medications, diet, and levels of physical activity. If you are taking both Seroquel and an antidepressant medication, you may need to understand that they gain both could be causing you to gain weight. Snris work by increasing the brain's levels of serotonin and norepinephrine, neurotransmitters that act together to brighten mood and relieve pain. Dining out is a quick way for anyone (even non-medicated) to gain weight. However, a newer formulation of an maoi known as selegiline (Emsam) has been shown to result in weight loss during treatment. Understand that these are individualized factors and cannot be generalized. You'll receive effexor xr a coupon by email or text to get the best price at a local participating pharmacy near you. InfoPro Investigations is a Minnesota and Colorado Private Detective Agency committed to investigative excellence and as a result we are available for a free consultation 24 Hours a Day, 365 Days a Year. Long-term use of the following ssris may cause weight gain: paroxetine (Paxil, Pexeva, Brisdelle) sertraline (Zoloft) effexor fluoxetine (Prozac) citalopram (Celexa although some ssris are associated with weight loss at first, long-term use of ssris is mostly linked to weight gain. Of the three maois listed above, phenelzine is the most likely to result in weight gain, according to a 1988 review. Hormonal changes : The drug is believed to alter the production of hormone levels throughout the body. How much weight will you gain from Seroquel? Some people have reported craving fast food and thus end up eating out more often. Take the time to evaluate whether the drug has been effective in alleviating the symptoms of the condition that you needed to treat. Commonly used ssris include: citalopram (Celexa) fluoxetine (Prozac) paroxetine (Brisdelle, Paxil, Pexeva) sertraline (Zoloft) However, weight gain associated with ssris depends on the length of time they are taken, as well as the type. I recommend 30 minutes of aerobic exercise a day, which is the most effective treatment I know for mild to moderate depression. Some medications have a dose-weight relationship in that increasing the dose will also increase the amount of weight youll effexor xr gain while taking. Social eating : If you are taking this drug and your symptoms improve, you may be more likely to hang out with friends. Slows metabolism : Even if you maintained the same diet and exercise patterns pre-drug that you did while taking Seroquel, youd probably still gain some weight. For some people, engaging in a healthier effexor lifestyle in conjunction with antidepressant use, or switching to another antidepressant medication, may reverse the weight gain. Some people believe that the taste improvement is closely linked to the cravings they experience. Although the reactions to specific antidepressants vary between individuals, some antidepressant medications are more likely to lead to weight gain than others. They may explain why you gain significantly more weight than someone else (or vice versa). Cravings : Many atypical antipsychotics are associated with cravings of foods. This typically leads to social eating or more frequent dining out with friends. SingleCare, a leading online service for prescription, dental, and vision discounts, has partnered with most major pharmacies around the country to help you save up to 80 gain percent off prescription costs. Was the weight bothersome or too insignificant to notice? This is why it is important to avoid comparing your personal reaction to that of others. Time weight span, it would appear as though there is a relationship between duration taking Seroquel and weight gain. Other types of antidepressants Not all antidepressants cause weight gain, and some cause less weight gain than other commonly prescribed medications. In any regard, if food is tasting better than before, youre probably going to eat more. All communication with InfoPro Investigations is strictly confidential regardless of whether or not you become our client. Sometimes, even switching to another antidepressant within the same class of drugs can reduce symptoms. This fact may be highly encouraging for patients currently taking Seroquel. They may also be having some interaction effect that leads to more weight gain than youd experience if you were to take a different medication. Other medications, if you are taking other medications, it is important to consider their role in potential weight gain. If a person is experiencing weight gain while taking antidepressants, it may be an indication that the medication is not combatting their depression effectively. Feel free to also share whether you noticed weight increase as a result of increasing the dosage. It may be the case that when antidepressants take effect, someone's usual appetite returns and this has an impact on their weight. Losing the extra pounds youve gained while taking antidepressants isnt always easy. Asked by mareagregory, updated, topics effexor, weight, anxiety and stress, medical, add effexor your Answer, find similar questions. It will also help with weight control by building lean muscle mass and burning calories. Over weight the long-term, it was reported that people gain an average of 7 lbs. Weight gain is one of the potential side effects of antidepressant use, with some sources estimating that 25 percent of people using antidepressants experience an increase in weight. Fortunately for people taking it over a long-term, the amount of weight that is gained isnt exponential and appears to increase at a slower rate once the body has adapted to treatment. Did you end up gaining weight throughout your first 6 weeks of treatment? For some individuals their appetite increases so much that they wake up in the middle of the night starving and raid the fridge for all the snacks they can find. Pregnancy and Venlafaxine Venlafaxine may cause harm to a developing fetus. Source:.gov/pubmed/17474816 Source: Related Posts. They arent prescribed as often weight anymore effexor because newer treatments cause fewer side effects. Further Information, search for questions, still looking for answers? They are not as commonly prescribed as more modern forms of antidepressants, as they can cause more side effects, including weight gain. Seroquel: Weighing The Pros and Cons If you are taking Seroquel, it is important to weigh the pros and cons of your treatment. It is less likely, however, than TCAs to cause weight gain. Try searching for what you seek or ask your own question. Here are my effexor recommendations for treating mild to moderate depression. Scientific studies have reported that the average weight gain throughout treatment with Seroquel is considered moderate. Experts do not fully gain understand why antidepressants lead to weight gain in some people. However, cyclic antidepressants can be effective, especially for some people who do not respond to other treatments. The way your genetics respond to the medication play a big role in determining how much weight you gain. Anytime youre lacking motivation as a result of this medication, the chance that youll gain weight increases. Some of the drugs that may be least likely to lead to weight gain are Effexor (venlafaxine) and Serzone gain (nafazodone while Wellbutrin (bupropion) tends to cause weight loss.
Effexor weight loss
Or, erm, moderation of appetite. Follow a weight healthy diet that includes fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, poultry, and lean meats. Weight loss loss is a common side effect. Everything we do at this amazing site is 100 legal. Discount weight Bonuses, fast and Discreet Shipping Worldwide 24/7 Customer Support. Weight loss was not limited to patients with treatment-emergent weight anorexia see Warnings and Precautions (e weight risks associated with longer term Effexor XR use were assessed in an open-label MDD study of children and adolescents who received Effexor XR for up to six months. OK, my libido is low but does this happens because of Effexol or because of my depression? However, taking this medication solely for weight effexor loss may be dangerous. In fact some cause weight loss. I begun effexor eating better and I gain 15 kilos within a year. Asked by jrmeans09, updated 4 December 2018 ( 9 days ago topics effexor, anxiety, weight loss, weight, drug, details: Ive been on Effexor for about three weeks and I lost about ten pounds. It can also weight cause nausea and diarrhea which may contribute to weight reduction. With each cycle, the metabolism slows a little bit more making it likely the person doesn't get as low as before, and goes up a little higher each time. Symptoms of serotonin syndrome include nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, rapid heartbeat, hallucinations, sudden blood pressure changes, fever, shivering, chills, sweating, overactive reflexes, confusion, seizures and a coma. Anyway, just tossing that out there since most of the complaints I've heard about Effexor was weight d also since it also seems unusual to feel a difference this quickly. Although weight loss may be a desirable side effect for some people, too much weight loss with Effexor can be a problem. Discussion Forums Recent Forum Topics NEW! The panic attacks gone but my phobia to be alone anywhere was still there. Seek immediate medical attention for anyone displaying these symptoms while loss taking Effexor. Take note that weight loss is a classic symptom of depression hence a relief of the condition can result in improved diet and subsequently weight gain. Oleary jr on which medication is better for weight loss effexor or wellbutrin: Both are good choices. Include a good 30-minute exercise routine in your daily schedule. Reduce your consumption of fats, sugar, processed foods, and other unhealthy foods. Effexor (venlafaxine hydrochloride) is a potent medication administered to treat cases of depression, panic disorder, social anxiety disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. Side Effects of Effexor for the Consumer All medicines may cause side effects, but many people have In the case of Effexor XR, an antidepressant, weight change is one of the anticipated side cording to an FDA clinical trial. Privacy is vital. So, I went to my doctor and he proposed loss to double Seroxat's dose from 10mg to 20mg every aday and night and subtitude Centrac with Clonotril. Im on 75mg but debating going higher cuz I still have a problem with crowds. In about 3 months I was much better but I didn't gain any weight. There are different types of Wellbutrin as well, there is SR and. (Either emotional or with weight) And if you did effexor lose weight- did weight it continue or did it stop after a while? But it happens constantly, and the time and energy it takes to deal with just the physical stuff is exhausting. So, crying came back, interviews were stressing me so much etc. When should I worry about this issue? So far Im less anxious, feel more like weight myself, but I do get tingles down my right arm throughout the day- almost like pins and needles. Effexor is not indicated for weight reduction or in combination with other products. Add your Answer, find similar questions, further Information. Sexual side effects are also common.
Effexor withdrawal symptoms
When coming off a medication that was helping treat your depression, it is natural to experience the opposite of happiness. Hey, I effexor hope that you are not totally panicked over this. See if another MD is covering for your doctor, and make an appointment immediately. These symptoms antidepressants are no joke and some would say that they are more extreme than hard drugs to withdraw from. Venlafaxine may increase the effects of other medications that can cause bleeding (e.g., ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin warfarin (Coumadin) and aspirin). Gutierrez MA, Stimmel GL, Aiso. Untreated MDD has risks to the fetus, as well as the mother. . Switching from XR to IR shouldnt cause you to feel any different as long as you keep taking the same mg dosages. Now, I take Efexxor for Dysthymia (finally got symptoms the right diagnosis, I think-it's a hard one to diagnose for the first several years) and occasionally, when I run out (or forget to take it for 2-3 days. In your case, if your doc didn't know about withdrawal the withdrawal you describe, I would find a different doctor-is your doc a psychiatrist or a simple family doctor that probably shouldn't symptoms be prescribing this kind of medication in the first place? Ibuprofen, naproxen warfarin, and other anti-coagulants effexor may increase this risk. These include phenelzine (Nardil tranylcypromine (Parnate isocarboxazid (Marplan rasagiline (Azilect and selegiline withdrawal (Emsam). The doc kept asking me if I was taking anything and I kept saying no (I wasn't taking anything). Pain You may experience pain within your muscles and joints. In other words it contributes to the re-uptake of the neurotransmitters Serotonin and Norepinephrine in the brain. The trend is for lisciensed therapists, which withdrawal cannot usually prescribe meds, do the therapy, while psychiatrists only prescribe and monitor the effects of the medicines. I then cut my dose to 75mg and started to feel the full force effexor of Effexor withdrawal. These episodes have physical symptoms including chest pain, shortness of breath, effexor heart palpitations, sweating, dizziness, and nausea. If you can make it through this drug withdrawal, you can do anything. These are some questions to ask. I got back on a lower dose and stepped down. This resulted in severe side effects for 24 hrs followed by a slight relief when I took my next withdrawal dose. If you are pregnant, plan to become pregnant, or are breast-feeding If you drink alcohol or use drugs How should I take Venlafaxine? What is the most important information I should know about Venlafaxine? For many people, it takes no less than three months to completely stop taking the medication, and for others even longer. Its well known how severe withdrawal symptoms are from Effexor and they should hopefully be willing to help. I call it a successful withdrawal now symptoms purely because I managed to survive it and come out the other end Effexor-free. FDA Alerts Suicidal Thoughts effexor or Actions in Children and Adults Depression and certain other psychiatric disorders effexor are themselves associated with increases in the risk of suicide. . If you naturally arent really affected from antidepressant withdrawal symptoms, you may not be hit as hard with Effexor. Depersonalization, do you feel like a zombie or unlike yourself? Venlafaxine immediate release tablets are usually taken 2 or 3 times per day with or without food. . If it's bad enough to be on Efexxor, it's bad enough to warrant the proper attention from a specialist. Finally, I got irritated with the repeated question and said, "Well, I WAS taking Zoloft, but I stopped a couple of weeks ago." He gave me this "Ah-hah!" kind of laugh and explained the withdrawal. Panic Disorder occurs when a person experiences unexpected and repeated episodes of intense fear. . Just give it time and continue about your life the best symptoms you can. These opinions do not represent the opinions of WebMD. If youve been on Effexor for a long time you just cant just stop taking it abruptly and not expect to have side effects. Well, you likely werent told that detox and withdrawals from this substance can be terrible. It is approved for the treatment of major depressive disorder (MDD generalized anxiety disorder (GAD panic disorder, and social anxiety disorder (social phobia). Jobe PC, Dailey symptoms JW, Wernicke.
Honey Moon – June 12/13, 2014
The Honey Moon
“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”
– Anais Nin
That’s how it was with us. . . We were a world unto each other and by the Grace of Divine Destiny, our paths crossed long ago and united us on a journey of the Soul. A long journey of friendship, love, deep connection and soul companionship that blended us together and joined us as One. How is it that my heart can break like this. . . over and over again? So many deaths in my life, all in such a short time.
I don’t think I can bear it anymore, not even for another second. My heart is split wide open, with too much pain and grief. I feel this loss deeply and profoundly. Have you ever lost a Beloved Best Friend that was closer to you than your own family? Who knew you from the inside out? Bare, dark corners and all that lay hidden inside, from the rest of the world. There is an emptiness inside of me, like a part of my heart has been cut wide open and taken out of me. I feel completely empty and alone.
While I know that the Soul is eternal, I am in the thickness of this empty forest right now, stuck inside this thorn bush, feeling the heat and slice of this sharp edge. It cuts me to the core. My heart bleeds. Throbs. Cries. Rivers of tears flow, and I allow them. This is grief. This is loss. This is the painful knowing that this beautiful and magnificent soul and friend I once could embrace and talk with for hours, sharing and bearing the deepest parts of my soul, is gone. She was a world unto me that filled me up with delight and surprise, and created new dimensions of space inside my mind and heart, soul and spirit. She was an architect of my soul’s evolution as we shared, uncovered, built and re-built the stories of the past, present and future. We dreamed. We imagined. We laughed. We cried. We howled. We thought. We prayed. We meditated. We wept. We walked. We talked. We constructed and de-constructed a million pounds of weight that no longer belonged to either of us, in both of our worlds. We excavated. We created demolition zones where they needed to be. We built fortresses and safe camps when we needed them, and then we softly let them go when we did not.
This is the gift we shared. The unconditional Love and Acceptance of each other, in all ways, always. No judgement. No attitude. No opinion. No structure. No walls. No expectations. No belief systems. Just clear, open space to be truly and authentically who we were and how we are, with each other. This was the deep embrace of our Friendship. This loving space was always there, forever Present, and always inviting us to go inside of it. It was the world we shared inside of our Friendship with each other, where new worlds were possible and often created.
Driving home tonight, I saw the brilliant Orange Sun behind me, like an orb of Golden, Orange Light. . . bigger than the biggest Sunset I have ever seen setting in the West. In front of me was the Honey Moon, lingering so low and so close to my face, I felt I could reach out and touch it. To my East were the beautiful dark mountains and shadows, and to my West was the Pacific Ocean, nearing the end of it’s Sunset. Just before I left on this drive and journey home, a young Asian woman came up to me and embraced me like an old, sweet friend. We had met once before and she noticed my sorrow. I shared your photograph with her and told her of your recent passing. She said, “She’s here with you right now. . . I can feel her” as tears streamed down her face. I knew it was you, my sweet friend, in this moment, coming here to embrace me this night, in this human form of this charming young woman who knew I needed a hug from you.
Little Buddha Dog
“Little Buddha Dog” ~ A short Love Story about a Woman’s Best Friend & their last day together
– by Rita Tanos
Available in digital or print on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and wherever fine books are sold.
Little Buddha Dog ~
Book Cover on Amazon
& Barnes & Noble.
In Honor of my Beloved Countess, my Little Buddha Dog who passed on this day, April 8, 2011. You are always living inside my Heart. Countess was my greatest teacher of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
If you have ever loved or cared for an animal, then Little Buddha Dog will touch your heart! Written through the voice of Countess, a little dog whose heart is full of joy, she recounts the wonderful Blessings of unconditional love shared with her Mum, and their last day together.
This short love story really is a gift from Countess to all animal lovers who have lost a Beloved pet, or for anyone considering end of life care and their pets final needs as they approach their last days of life. Faced with the decision of how to love them best during their final passage from life to death and eternity is never easy. Little Buddha Dog offers a beautiful and comforting love story of how their last day and final moments of life together were shared with grace, honor, respect and unconditional love.
Little Buddha Dog speaks the language of Love! May you find comfort in our love story of how we shared the last day of my Little Buddha Dog’s life. . . It was such an honor to love her well, especially during the last moments of her life.
“He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.”
– Author unknown
Sometimes love is also about letting go. . . even when we feel our hearts are breaking in the process. Sometimes the greatest love we can extend to our Beloved pet is the final act of caring enough to say goodbye. To release them from their suffering and knowing when to say goodbye is an act of love. This is not about us. . . this is about the precious life of an animal we cared for and loved so deeply. We must find the courage within ourselves to accept this final act as a gift of love, knowing in our hearts that Grace is fully present in these final moments of surrender.
As they are letting go of life, we are learning how to let go of them. Their eyes and hearts tell us everything we need to know. They are ready when they are ready and we must know that, lovingly. If we are the ones bestowed with the honor of being their caretaker during their life, then we too must be worthy of such devotion at the end of their lives. To gently ease their way out of pain and suffering is our final, courageous act of LOVE.
Thank you for reading our short Love Story. We’re happy to say that in our first couple weeks of release, Little Buddha Dog became a Number #1 Bestseller on Amazon! It’s such a sweet and tender story that all animal lovers can relate to.
Links to purchase Little Buddha Dog are on our website and you can also find us on Amazon:
Amazon link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/0988407418
October 22, 2013
Once Upon a Time. . .
Once Upon a Time. . .
Twists, Turns, Circles and U-Turns. . . Stop. Go. Turn left. Turn right. Turn around. Don’t look back. . . look ahead. Be Present, in this very moment. Drop the fears. Let go of the worries.
It’s all OK. All is well. All is well. All is well.
These are the thoughts swirling around in my mind this morning. I can’t seem to find my center of gravity these last few days. Feelings of loss and sadness arise, and I don’t know what to do with them. So I just visit with them and ask: ‘What is it my Sweet? What are you trying to tell me?’
Self examination leads me back to this time every year, days before the B-Day. . . the big event that changed my life forever. October 31st, 1969. . . the day I gave Birth to my only child and gave her up for adoption. I feel immense loss, even today. . . especially today. Almost 44 years ago I was preparing myself to ‘let go and let God’ be the force in my life as I was forced to surrender this life inside of me.
I was 19, living in secrecy and hiding, shamed by my very existence. Unwed pregnant mothers were ‘not allowed’ to keep their babies. It was unheard of. It was forbidden. It was simply unacceptable in the late 1960’s. How could I let the power and force of societies moral compass dictate what I was to do with my own child? Why was this such forbidden fruit?
How could I surrender and give up this life inside of me. . . the One life that was most precious to my very being and existence? How could I ever live with myself, knowing that I was being asked to surrender my baby to adoption and did?
Nine days from today she would have turned 44. Instead of life, she choose death. Last year she took her own life and gave up. I will never know why. I will never understand the pain and suffering she went through to reach this point. There were a few warning signs along the path of my knowing her. . . but only from a distance. We never met. What we shared was a 3 year long-distance relationship by phone, emails, letters and text messages. I have heard the vibration of her voice. I have seen her only in photographs she sent me. I have felt her love in the words she expressed as she wrote them to me on paper. And, I have loved her and longed for her all of my life.
As she rests in the invisible, ethereal realms, I think of her so tenderly. In these moments of deep inner stirrings, I feel her Presence around me. The power of this love is eternal and endless. And the longing never ceases. It is always very Present in my heart and soul.
I have never seen her birth certificate. I have never seen her death certificate. I have never seen her. But I gave birth to her. I gave life to her. She existed. . . once upon a time. Once upon a time I had faith and hopes that we would finally meet in this lifetime and share a beautiful relationship that was not in the invisible, but in the earthly realms. All that is left living are the scars I carry on my body, the stretch marks that now look like grave markers of a life once lived
. . . once upon a time.
Along with her letters and photographs, she sent me two gifts of love, both behind glass . . . like the glass window pane that separated us upon her birth. Untouchable . . . unreachable . . . in the invisible. One gift is a beautiful picture frame that has enamel vines and flowers with crystals and a ladybug on it. It arrived empty. . . a blank canvas, without a photograph inside the glass frame. Weeks later I received her picture which now sits inside that frame, behind the glass. The other gift is a glass snow globe with Buddha inside . . . resting on the lotus in silence, in the center of the glass globe. Sprinkles of light capture the Buddha when you move it. In the stillness, in the silence, behind the looking glass, in the invisible realm is where she rests inside of me today. . . deep inside of my heart.
My Beloved Child . . . Once Upon a Time.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
This Sunday I will walk with other mothers who have lost a child or loved one to suicide to benefit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. There will be many twists and turns, circles and U-turns along this walk inside the heart space as we pound the pavement with our rubber soles.
‘Walk out of Darkness’ is a nationwide effort and this is my local community walk. Net proceeds will benefit AFSP to fund research, education, survivor and awareness programs – both to prevent suicide and to assist those affected by suicide.
Funding will help those who suffer from depression or contemplate suicide know that it doesn’t have to be a secret – that there is help available and that there are people out there who really care about them.
Here is the link to my page.
Here is the link to AFSP: http://www.afsp.org
A Woman’s Touch
June 1, 2013
The Touch of a Woman – by Rita Tanos
I had forgotten what it felt like to be living authentically in my own feminine power. Those feelings of lightness, sweetness, and grace seemed like a past history of another life that I was no longer a part of. So many years of challenge, struggle and loss began to show their wear and tear, especially on my hands and the tips of my fingers.
Once beautiful and elegant, with perfectly manicured nails, my hands now looked like a gardener’s hand, mowing lawns, seeding vines, and doing hard labor. What was I cultivating? I had not noticed them for a long time. Until today. They were clean, but the texture of my skin had changed, as did my perfectly feminine manicure. I had to take a closer look to see what they wanted to tell me. Surely there must be a message here, on the tips of my fingers and palms of my hands.
I noticed that the years of tapping on my computer keyboard, writing volumes of sorrow and grief in my book were somehow indented on the tips of my fingers. All those emotions that flowed up and out of me these last years were ingrained like a spider’s web, circling the imprints of my thoughts onto my body. Had my fingerprints changed? Did the swirls of my DNA look any different today than they did when I felt strong, feminine and beautiful? I wondered…
Did my daughter’s death vibrate so violently throughout my body and soul that I now had a new imprint? Where was the tenderness? Where was the sweetness? Where was that graceful, elegant woman I knew myself to be just a couple years ago? Where did my humor go? Where did my affections go? Where did my passion go? Where did ‘I’ go? I wondered…
Feeling the depths of this hard labor camp called grief and loss, I finally found myself sowing new seeds of hopes and dreams more than a year later. Slowly, very slowly, they came…one at a time. I wanted to feel love again. I wanted to feel life again. I wanted to feel beautiful again. I wanted to feel ‘me’ again! But most of all, I wanted to feel love again. Love for myself and love for all sentient beings. And I longed to share my life with a loving partner.
This path of pain and sorrow that left me feeling weak, fragile, and uncertain was beginning to morph into tenderness and sweetness once again. While I ached for closeness with my self and others, I wanted to feel my full, open heart. Where was it? Surely somewhere very close by, inside my beautiful self.
So began the journey of my heart into a deeper, more spacious, more luxurious place. As I dug through so many layers of these locked chambers inside my heart, I realized that I did not even know they existed. Locked so tightly in place, and frozen with rusted ancient wounds, they were invisible to my conscious awareness. How could I possibly exist like this?
Throughout the excavation of this dark night, I trusted that the deep longing of my soul held the rusty keys to this secret hiding place where I would find my inner radiance once again. . . where I would feel love again. As my journey took me to the bottom of the earth, digging through hardened layers of dark, black gravel, I began to find this tunnel of light.
I knew all I had to do was Trust. One step at a time, one day at at time, one moment at a time, one breath at a time, every day. I had to Trust that no matter what was happening in my life, and no matter how it looked right now, something amazing, huge, and incredible was going to come out of this. Something way bigger than me!
My hardened, grieving heart became soft once again, like a whisper in the breeze when I heard my daughter’s voice speaking to me in the wind. Like grist for the mill that was as tough as nails, I suddenly melted like smooth snow and transformed those rough, hardened edges into fluid, flowing water. Like Grace, the downpour of streaming tears broke every rusted chain inside my heart, one by one, link by link.
In deep gratitude, I kneeled and kissed the earth. As I rose up, for the first time in years, I stood tall and proud and felt the power and the Presence of this magnificent Woman inside of me. With my gardener’s hands across my heart, I could also see the hands of a beautiful woman. . .Loving. Kind. Compassionate. Gentle. Soft. Sweet. Tender. Warm. Feminine. Powerful. I felt the touch of a Woman’s hand, as I held my own hand with Loving Kindness, Gratitude and Appreciation.
The touch of a woman’s hand has the power to heal and change lives. Even our own lives!
“I am the soft caress of wind on your face.”
Introduction by Dr. Marj Britt
“Sometimes events in our lives shock us, stun us, beyond our human ability to understand. The sacred process of ‘Write Your Soul’ can open the windows of the Infinite. This writing is one from ‘the profound beauty of the Dazzling Darkness’ where the light and dark become One in the Radiance of Union. Facts of the human life of this author included a baby given up for adoption at birth, a yearning and long search which never culminated in physical reunion in this lifetime. The Soul reunion is New Birth.”
“I am the Soft Caress of Wind on Your Face…”
This morning I walked inside Aaron Art supply store to buy some blank art books to start my excavation search. . . all in hopes of finding clues to my treasure map. . . and the next steps to take. The blank black books were there and as I turned and walked to the next isle, I found some interesting keys, all with words engraved on them.
Love. . . Journey. . . Secret. . . Heart. . . Life. . . Memory. . . Dreams. . .
I also found a tiny set of calendar months which I will begin the first page of my blank journal with. January 2012. . . the month of my birth and a day in this month that you chose to pass through the veils. The number 13 is significant. . . the night you ended your life. The numbers 1 and 3 are also significant. . . you were born on the 31st day of October.
As I wandered around, I remembered that my last visit to Aaron’s was when I went hunting for a frame to enclose my photograph in that I was sending you for Christmas. That was two years ago. . . or was it three? I can’t remember.
I feel like I am walking through a mist in the unknowing. I feel the breeze on my skin as it softly caresses me. I feel the warmth of the sunshine on my face and arms as I take in the energy of the sun. I hear the doves in early morning, cooing for each other near the first nest they built on the patio. I smell the ocean air and hear the waves gently crashing on the seashore. The Seagulls are calling out for food, and the sound of laughter is nearby from young people enjoying their Sunday afternoon. Some people are just lingering in the warmth of the sun, closing their eyes and resting. . . taking it all in.
I wish you were here with me today. I wish your senses could breath in this life around me and feel the beauty of this day. My hair blows in the wind, and the bees are busy pollinating the purple, red and yellow flowers nearby as they buzz past my ears. The sky is wispy with soft white clouds. It’s a beautiful day that feels like summer in the end of January. It’s so crystal clear, I can see Catalina Island on the horizon of the Pacific. Boats are cruising by, some of them leaving white trails of water behind them. The surfers are out in hopes of a good wave on this calm shore and there are even a few jet skiers flying by on the water. The pelicans are soaring so gracefully in the air, in search of their next meal. . . gliding together in small groups, and taking turns with who will lead. The palm trees are softly swaying in the breeze as I hear their leaves dancing in the wind. Even the Birds of Paradise are arched up towards the sun, bursting with orange and purple color.
It’s all so quiet and peaceful and ever so beautiful, my Sweet. I wonder if you ever took the time to be silent and peaceful in nature. . . I wonder if you spent time near the ocean. . . I wonder if you liked the smell of the sea and the sound of the water. . . I wonder if you liked to swim. All these wonderings as I quietly sit here today thinking of you.
Is there anything you would like to tell me?
Yes! I am the soft caress of wind on your face. . . I am the laughter in the hearts of children. . . I am the wind beneath you, lifting you up, out of your sorrow. . . I am the waves in the ocean gently rolling in to the shore. . . I am the buzzing sound you hear, echoing in the vastness. . . I am the light you see, the air you breath, the warmth on your body from the sun. I am there with you, now and forevermore. Lighten your heart and let it not be heavy with sadness. . . There is much beauty and joy for you now. . . every flower has it’s seeds. . . like the keys you found today. The words are keys for you to go on. . . in Love, with Faith. . . and Hope. There is a circle of white light around you. . . surrounding you. . . protecting you. . . it is I.
You are beautiful, radiant, and ever so Blessed with Love. You are Beauty itself! Feel the rays of the sun on your body, the energy of Love is there touching you. The light that sparkles from the ocean and the Seagull calling out to you now. . . I am there in full magnificence, with you every day, every moment. Your pain will ease. . . your suffering will lessen. . .You will soar again to new heights, beyond what you ever imagined for yourself. Currents of Love are flowing to you now and always. . . like the smooth currents of the ocean heading your way. . . I am in every sound, in every wave, in every flower, in every living, breathing thing. My Soul is with you. . . my Heart is with you. . . my Love is with you. All the beauty that you see and feel is the beauty I am. Listen to the sound of the ocean. . . it calms you. Watch the birds soar and glide. . . they are in harmony with all life. Watch the flowers burst forth in brilliant colors. . . they are all God’s reminder of who you are.
May I ask you a question? I would like to know what it is like for you in the invisible?
Just like when you were in the invisible. . . when you crossed over, after you gave birth to me. Complete Bliss and utter Oneness with all that is. . . You are living in a time/space continuum that you once were able to go beyond. . . you can and will again. I am here without time, space, distance or separation. . . as you say. I am pure Love itself, without a body. Our Souls are joined in union. . . a beautiful Love union that is eternal. . . you know that.
Sit quietly in the calm and you will feel me. I am here with you now. Just breathe when the moments are hard. . . there will be more of those moments. You are grieving me. . . there is nothing to fear. Just let go and rest your body and mind. Rest and be gentle with yourself. From that little bird on the stone next to you to the big Pelican that just flew above you, I am there with you.
Rest and relax. . . let go of all your worries and concerns. Close your eyes now and just rest. . . I am here with you.