“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”
– Anais Nin
That’s how it was with us. . . We were a world unto each other and by the Grace of Divine Destiny, our paths crossed long ago and united us on a journey of the Soul. A long journey of friendship, love, deep connection and soul companionship that blended us together and joined us as One. How is it that my heart can break like this. . . over and over again? So many deaths in my life, all in such a short time.
I don’t think I can bear it anymore, not even for another second. My heart is split wide open, with too much pain and grief. I feel this loss deeply and profoundly. Have you ever lost a Beloved Best Friend that was closer to you than your own family? Who knew you from the inside out? Bare, dark corners and all that lay hidden inside, from the rest of the world. There is an emptiness inside of me, like a part of my heart has been cut wide open and taken out of me. I feel completely empty and alone.
While I know that the Soul is eternal, I am in the thickness of this empty forest right now, stuck inside this thorn bush, feeling the heat and slice of this sharp edge. It cuts me to the core. My heart bleeds. Throbs. Cries. Rivers of tears flow, and I allow them. This is grief. This is loss. This is the painful knowing that this beautiful and magnificent soul and friend I once could embrace and talk with for hours, sharing and bearing the deepest parts of my soul, is gone. She was a world unto me that filled me up with delight and surprise, and created new dimensions of space inside my mind and heart, soul and spirit. She was an architect of my soul’s evolution as we shared, uncovered, built and re-built the stories of the past, present and future. We dreamed. We imagined. We laughed. We cried. We howled. We thought. We prayed. We meditated. We wept. We walked. We talked. We constructed and de-constructed a million pounds of weight that no longer belonged to either of us, in both of our worlds. We excavated. We created demolition zones where they needed to be. We built fortresses and safe camps when we needed them, and then we softly let them go when we did not.
This is the gift we shared. The unconditional Love and Acceptance of each other, in all ways, always. No judgement. No attitude. No opinion. No structure. No walls. No expectations. No belief systems. Just clear, open space to be truly and authentically who we were and how we are, with each other. This was the deep embrace of our Friendship. This loving space was always there, forever Present, and always inviting us to go inside of it. It was the world we shared inside of our Friendship with each other, where new worlds were possible and often created.
Driving home tonight, I saw the brilliant Orange Sun behind me, like an orb of Golden, Orange Light. . . bigger than the biggest Sunset I have ever seen setting in the West. In front of me was the Honey Moon, lingering so low and so close to my face, I felt I could reach out and touch it. To my East were the beautiful dark mountains and shadows, and to my West was the Pacific Ocean, nearing the end of it’s Sunset. Just before I left on this drive and journey home, a young Asian woman came up to me and embraced me like an old, sweet friend. We had met once before and she noticed my sorrow. I shared your photograph with her and told her of your recent passing. She said, “She’s here with you right now. . . I can feel her” as tears streamed down her face. I knew it was you, my sweet friend, in this moment, coming here to embrace me this night, in this human form of this charming young woman who knew I needed a hug from you.