Gratitude – 2014

Gratitude

Gratitude

 

The Power of Gratitude

 

Nearing  the eve of a New Year and putting this one to rest in its own beautiful chapter of history brings me Peace tonight.  With all the longings and yearnings of my heart, I am most grateful for the every day simplicity that I have lived in this past year.  Nothing was taken for granted.  Even my own breath of Life has been a sacred daily prayer of gratitude.  Of course I slipped and fell a thousand times, into the abyss of the unknown, visiting ancient forests of my soul that were visited by my parents and grand-parents and their parents.  

When the fear arose so high on the scale that there was no going back, there was also an emergence of something more, something greater than my self, as I sometimes entered this zone of great discomfort.  But something was different this year.  I learned to stay with it, inside this zone of uncertainty, and to befriend it and allow it. . . even when it felt miserable and terrifying.  I was brave enough with my own precious self to just let it be, without trying to change anything.  Entering that field of awareness allowed me to pass through it, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, and physically.  I just let go and allowed whatever was showing up to be fully present inside of me.  Full heart.  Complete acceptance. Full awareness, even in the unknowing.  On the other side of that fear came a great trust in the Universe and God. . . the undeniable knowing of a force of Good that was fully Present and in charge of my life.

 

So many platters of possibilities, so many hopes and dreams crushed and re-born with new ones arising every day, so many experiences that took me out on a limb, so many turns and twists on the road. . . all of them important and full of Love, Light and Learning.  New friends, old friends, false friends, new and deeper dimensions and connections, letting go of so much with Grace and Ease. . . such a Blessing!  

 

It’s amazing how little we need to live life fully and beautifully.  The kindness and generosity that arises from the hearts of sacred souls touching mine has been profound.  The level of Trust, again and again, has been an epiphany, once again!  So many souls swaddled in grief, similar to my own grief have shown up in the most amazing ways, and often in silence, without sharing the deepest parts of their own grief.  The faith and strength of  their character is just exquisite.  I see diamonds everywhere I turn.  I feel love everywhere I am.  And I am deeply grateful for this flow, this gorgeous river of sweetness inside my heart, and this abundance that is everywhere present, every day.

 

Thank you!  Thank you!  Thank you!  As this year of 2014 approaches the end of its full cycle and circle, and the evolution of a New Year begins, I just want to say thank you to every one of you that has touched my heart and soul, body and mind with such Grace.  There are so many of you that I have not met, and yet deeply connected with on a soul level, personally through friends and family, through Facebook, and in the many classes we shared online.  So many great teachers and loved ones have brought us together, to share, to enlighten, to evolve, to ascend, to receive, and to love and support each other along our sacred journey.  So many epiphanies have manifested, and so much Grace has been showered upon us to open, to heal, to share, to love, to give, and to evolve and become the greatest expression of who we really are, without reserve, without hesitation, without limits.  You are all a great Blessing to me.  You are all a manifestation of the Divine in my own Life.

 

Thank you!  My Heart and Soul is filled with GRATITUDE !

Happy New Year, Sweet Friends.  Thank you for your Beautiful Blessings!  I am forever GRATEFUL !

Such power rests in our fingerprints and DNA. . . now let’s go dancing into 2015!

 

THANK YOU!

THANK YOU!

 

 

Mom ~ Where Are You?

Caregiving ~ Going Beyond Your Comfort Zone.

Caregiving ~ Going Beyond Your Comfort Zone.

Mom – Where Are You?

 

Seeing your Mother age before your very eyes is not always an easy task.  There are so many emotions that surface these days as I witness my own Beloved Mother who has just turned 91.   She is still beautiful, or at least in my eyes she is.  She is still confident and  semi-independent, as best as she can be.  And she does well for herself.  But there is this other thing ~ between Mothers and Daughters ~ that is rarely spoken about.  It is the knife at the Gut, when you know your own Mother is cutting you out of her life.  She is no longer available to you.  No more open communication.  No more fun.  No more sharing.  No more conversations.  Just ‘cut and dry’ things that relate to her every day needs of  ‘Me….Myself…..and I”.  Every sentence begins with that. Every question ends with that.  Every conversation, however brief is all about that.  The simple, immediate needs of her immediate Universe.  

 

What can I do with this information that arrives daily in the form of ‘take care of me and my needs now’ when I can hardly find myself in this environment?  All of me has disappeared as the needs of my mother have taken over.  It’s beyond everything I ever thought it would be.  I long for our heartfelt and open communication. But it is not here, not now.  Perhaps it never will be again.  

 

And it is the Love I have for her that keeps me here, in this place, at this present moment.  What does it mean to be a ‘Care Giver’…?  There are so many levels of caring involved with this term.  As for me,  I am here….as her Beloved Daughter that has done EVERYTHING POSSIBLE  to make my Mother’s life a happy and healthy one since my Dad passed through the veils 25 years ago. But it was never enough.  It is still not enough.  It will never be enough.  The more I give, the more I give up in my own life, and the more I find myself lost in this situation.  Normally Giving is a beautiful and easy thing to do.  There is a beautiful exchange of energy.  But Mom is a narcissist who always and forever wants more and more… It’s always about her needs and wants, ‘right here and right now’.  And lately it is only and always about this. “Me, Myself and I”.  She does not see me or feel me, or hear me,  and perhaps she never has.

 

For much of my life I have tried to empower her and give her everything she wanted or needed.  She has always been my trusted friend and confident, or so I thought.  I have always been hers. But what does it take to withdraw Lovingly from this ’empty well’  when this has been all you’ve ever known?  Total and complete Awareness.  Consciousness.  Clarity.

 

Every day I focus my Intention and Hearts Desires on only the Good.  I am aligned and filled with Spirit. I am open to Inspiration.  I am Divinely Guided.  Tomorrow I am Blessed with the Presence of Deepak Chopra.  After an intimate gathering we will connect once again, since my 40th Birthday in La Jolla, at The Chopra Center, when Deepak had his first Retreat Center there.  We connected.  We mediated.  We shared. This Sunday we shall reconnect once again and meet as if it were the first time…  Thank God for Grace, Miracles, and Divine Timing!  I am so Blessed!  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Carry Your Heart

I Carry Your Heart, My Sweet  ~  Happy Birthday!

 

I Carry Your Heart

 

I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart.

I am never without it, anywhere I go you go, my dear;

and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling,

I fear no fate, for you are my fate, my sweet,

I want no world, for beautiful you are my world, my true

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide,

and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart.

  ~ E. E. Cummings

Each Friend Represents a World in Us. . .

 

Honey Moons & Friendship

Honey Moon – June 12/13, 2014

 

The Honey Moon

The Honey Moon

 

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”

         – Anais Nin

 

That’s how it was with us. . . We were a world unto each other and by the Grace of Divine Destiny, our paths crossed long ago and united us on a journey of the Soul. A long journey of friendship, love, deep connection and soul companionship that blended us together and joined us as One. How is it that my heart can break like this. . . over and over again?  So many deaths in my life, all in such a short time.

I don’t think I can bear it anymore, not even for another second.  My heart is split wide open, with too much pain and grief.  I feel this loss deeply and profoundly.  Have you ever lost a Beloved Best Friend that was closer to you than your own family?  Who knew you from the inside out?  Bare, dark corners and all that lay hidden inside, from the rest of the world.  There is an emptiness inside of me, like a part of my heart has been cut wide open and taken out of me.  I feel completely empty and alone.

While I know that the Soul is eternal, I am in the thickness of this empty forest right now, stuck inside this thorn bush, feeling the heat and slice of this sharp edge.  It cuts me to the core.  My heart bleeds.  Throbs.  Cries.  Rivers of tears flow, and I allow them.  This is grief.  This is loss.  This is the painful knowing that this beautiful and magnificent soul and friend I once could embrace and talk with for hours, sharing and bearing the deepest parts of my soul, is gone.  She was a world unto me that filled me up with delight and surprise, and created new dimensions of space inside my mind and heart, soul and spirit.  She was an architect of my soul’s evolution as we shared, uncovered, built and re-built the stories of the past, present and future.  We dreamed.  We imagined.  We laughed.  We cried.  We howled.  We thought.  We prayed.  We meditated.  We wept.  We walked.  We talked.  We constructed and de-constructed a million pounds of weight that no longer belonged to either of us, in both of our worlds.  We excavated.  We created demolition zones where they needed to be.  We built fortresses and safe camps when we needed them, and then we softly let them go when we did not.

This is the gift we shared.  The unconditional Love and Acceptance of each other, in all ways, always.  No judgement.  No attitude.  No opinion.  No structure.  No walls.  No expectations.  No belief systems.  Just clear, open space to be truly and authentically who we were and how we are, with each other.  This was the deep embrace of our Friendship.  This loving space was always there, forever Present, and always inviting us to go inside of it.  It was the world we shared inside of our Friendship with each other, where new worlds were possible and often created. 

Driving home tonight, I saw the brilliant Orange Sun behind me, like an orb of Golden, Orange Light. . . bigger than the biggest Sunset I have ever seen setting in the West.  In front of me was the Honey Moon, lingering so low and so close to my face, I felt I could reach out and touch it.  To my East were the beautiful dark mountains and shadows, and to my West was the Pacific Ocean, nearing the end of it’s Sunset.  Just before I left on this drive and journey home, a young Asian woman came up to me and embraced me like an old, sweet friend.  We had met once before and she noticed my sorrow.  I shared your photograph with her and told her of your recent passing.  She said, “She’s here with you right now. . . I can feel her” as tears streamed down her face.  I knew it was you, my sweet friend, in this moment, coming here to embrace me this night, in this human form of this charming young woman who knew I needed a hug from you.

 

The Love Doves – Easter 2014

Easter 2014

Easter 2014

The Love Doves – Easter 2014

 

The Doves arrived early this Spring.  The first few days of March I began hearing their sweet coo’s in the very early morning hours.  Such a sweet reminder each year that new life is bursting forth everywhere.

 

Five years ago they built their first nest here, and every Spring they return to my Mother’s home.  It’s a precious reminder of Love and new Life.  I am comforted by the knowing that these two Doves have mated for life and find their way back here every Spring, to nest once again and give birth to new Life.

 

Somehow they know me by now and trust me just a little bit more. They allow me to come close enough to see them and watch them drink water. Every morning I hear the mother cooing ~ longing for food and the comfort and security of her mate.  He eventually comes and delivers her a meal and hangs around long enough to know she is OK.  Every afternoon, late in the day, he returns again to check in on his mate and delivers her evening meal.  As I watched him drink fresh water from the flower planter lid that I had just filled, he flew up into the tree and just stood there on a nearby branch, looking at me as he cooed.  It was so sweet!

 

These are the simple and beautiful things that bring me Joy each year.  They remind me of the cycles and rhythms of life, even when I don’t always feel I am in perfect balance and harmony with my own life.  These last few years have felt so incredibly challenging.  The old ways of living no longer apply to my life.  I have left them behind, along with the weight they carried.  It was just too heavy to hold onto any longer.  So I just let go.

 

Living inside the vortex of emptiness and the unknowing is often equally challenging. Sometimes I feel like my roadmap is an empty canvas and I am holding the compass in my hand without a specific direction or destination in mind. It appears I am to blaze new trails that have not been traveled before.  At least by me. I am trusting my Heart and the Divine to lead me to where I am destined to go. I don’t know where that is right now.  But I do know that my Heart will lead me in the right direction.  

 

I have let go of the busyness of life and my focus and attention is inward, inside my Heart and Soul.  Whatever arises I give my attention to, and I let go of all the rest.  Somewhere inside this silence is a deep Peace and inner Beauty that invites Harmony and Blessings everyday.  I Trust it.  And I know that it is true.  True to my own self. True to the guidance of the Divine.   

 

I have died to my former self and in this transformation I am free, liberated, powerful and victorious.  And like the Love Doves, I am restored and uplifted every Spring with new Life.  No matter what the circumstances, I am uplifted, restored, and renewed. My Heart is open as I rest in Oneness.  It is this Love, this Divine Love that is the greatest harmonizing force in the Universe, and it is always nudging me forward, each and every day.

 

Thank God for the Love Doves! Thank God for Spring returning each year!  Thank God for the simple and Beautiful Blessings of Life.  Thank God for LOVE !

 

Love Doves

Love Doves

Valentine’s Day – 2014

Loving One Another

Loving One Another

 

February 14, 2014

 

That’s it!  That’s all that really matters in the end, is how we were with each other, and how deeply we Loved one another. . . no matter what!  That kind of unconditional Love that only a Dog can give you is rare indeed, but it does exist in the human heart. Rare it is, but it’s there, as pure as the human heart.  

 

What is it about a Dog’s DNA that allows it to love you, a human. . . so unconditionally, and for an entire lifetime?  Isn’t that indeed why Dog’s are here on earth? . . . to teach us human’s what unconditional Love is all about? That’s what Dog’s do….they Love you, no matter what!  Their Heart is always open. So why is it human hearts shut down?

 

It’s Valentine’s Day 2014 ~ What can you do today, this very moment, to show someone how much you Love them?  What gifts lie inside your heart that will touch another heart?  Is it a touch of your hand, or an embrace that has been withheld for far too long? Is it something that needs to be said or spoken or heard and felt? Is it a pain deep within you that has not been voiced and shared and needs to be spoken to the one you Love the most?

 

Open your heart space.  Release the pain body. Let go. Be fully present to this moment. It is all you have. Give your precious heart to those in front of you.  It doesn’t matter who they are.  Everyone is in need of more Love.  More Tenderness. More Kindness.  More Understanding.  More Empathy.  More Heart.  More Space. . . just to be themselves, uniquely and authentically, without judgement.

 

Be the gift that you came here to be.  Lovingly ask yourself:  “What is the greatest gift I can give myself and this person who stands in front of me?”  What can I offer as a messenger of Love and Light?  What can I say or do that will lift their Spirit and in return, lift mine? What is the most significant Loving act of Kindness I can offer, right here, right now, without an ounce of my ego in the way?

 

Sometimes it’s just breathing into the space of what is. . . without an action or a word.  Sometimes it’s a definite action that holds loving, powerful and kind words that can shift someone’s consciousness from sub-zero temperatures into warm and sunny days. . . melting the ice inside a human heart.  And sometimes, no matter how hard you try to break the barriers of confusion and misunderstanding, there will remain something unresolved, frozen and still, inside a mindset, belief and heart space you were not prepared for.  The frozen space of a frozen heart leaves you in shock for a while.  It is so cold there. . . you just don’t know what to do.  Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing.  Zero, sub-zero temperatures are not a friendly climate to be in.

 

Whatever, wherever, whenever and whoever. . . may it always be about Love.  The opening of our Hearts to another living, sentient being is truly the opening of our own heart. 

 

The purpose of the spiritual path is to unmask and take off our armor.  It often feels like a crises when it happens, because it is a crises of a fixed identity that is no longer living in Truth. As we dismantle this robe and all of the identities that have served to fortify its presence in our own existence, we finally realize that the only way to let go and move on with our own lives is to let go of it all, totally and completely, in full surrender. How do we tolerate uncertainty without suffering?  We don’t.  We just go through it as we kneel and pray and bow our heads with our hearts full of Love.  Grace is always Present.   Every moment.   Every day. 

 

As we look deeper inside the real cause of our suffering, we may come to realize that it is not about our inability to tolerate uncertainty, as much as it is about our denial of our fundamental groudlessness of being human.  We are One.  And we are all whispering our praises and our denials in this Sacred Space of the Holy One.  

 

In and Out of Time

In and Out of Time

In and Out of Time

 

In and Out of Time. . .

The sun has come.
The mist has gone.
We see in the distance…
our long way home.
I was always yours to have.
You were always mine.
We have loved each other in and out of time.
When the first stone looked up at the blazing sun
and the first tree struggled up from the forest floor
I had always loved you more.
You freed your braids…
gave your hair to the breeze.
It hummed like a hive of honey bees.
I reached in the mass for the sweet honey comb there….
Mmmm…God how I love your hair.
You saw me bludgeoned by circumstance.
Lost, injured, hurt by chance.
I screamed to the heavens….loudly screamed….
Trying to change our nightmares into dreams…
The sun has come.
The mist has gone.
We see in the distance our long way home.
I was always yours to have.
You were always mine.
We have loved each other in and out
in and out
in and out
of time.

— Maya Angelou

A Year of Peace – 2014

A Year of Peace - 2014

A Year of Peace – 2014

 

If there is to be peace in the world, There must be peace in the nations. If there is to be peace in the nations, There must be peace in the cities. If there is to be peace in the cities, There must be peace between neighbors. If there is to be peace between neighbors, There must be peace in the home. If there is to be peace in the home, There must be peace in the Heart.
– Lao Tzu

Happy New Year Sweet Friends!  May we practice Peace, Kindness and Compassion for ourselves and all Sentient Beings ~ every moment of every day.  Joyful Blessings of LOVE to each and every one of You!  Namaste!