Mom ~ Where Are You?

Caregiving ~ Going Beyond Your Comfort Zone.

Caregiving ~ Going Beyond Your Comfort Zone.

Mom – Where Are You?

 

Seeing your Mother age before your very eyes is not always an easy task.  There are so many emotions that surface these days as I witness my own Beloved Mother who has just turned 91.   She is still beautiful, or at least in my eyes she is.  She is still confident and  semi-independent, as best as she can be.  And she does well for herself.  But there is this other thing ~ between Mothers and Daughters ~ that is rarely spoken about.  It is the knife at the Gut, when you know your own Mother is cutting you out of her life.  She is no longer available to you.  No more open communication.  No more fun.  No more sharing.  No more conversations.  Just ‘cut and dry’ things that relate to her every day needs of  ‘Me….Myself…..and I”.  Every sentence begins with that. Every question ends with that.  Every conversation, however brief is all about that.  The simple, immediate needs of her immediate Universe.  

 

What can I do with this information that arrives daily in the form of ‘take care of me and my needs now’ when I can hardly find myself in this environment?  All of me has disappeared as the needs of my mother have taken over.  It’s beyond everything I ever thought it would be.  I long for our heartfelt and open communication. But it is not here, not now.  Perhaps it never will be again.  

 

And it is the Love I have for her that keeps me here, in this place, at this present moment.  What does it mean to be a ‘Care Giver’…?  There are so many levels of caring involved with this term.  As for me,  I am here….as her Beloved Daughter that has done EVERYTHING POSSIBLE  to make my Mother’s life a happy and healthy one since my Dad passed through the veils 25 years ago. But it was never enough.  It is still not enough.  It will never be enough.  The more I give, the more I give up in my own life, and the more I find myself lost in this situation.  Normally Giving is a beautiful and easy thing to do.  There is a beautiful exchange of energy.  But Mom is a narcissist who always and forever wants more and more… It’s always about her needs and wants, ‘right here and right now’.  And lately it is only and always about this. “Me, Myself and I”.  She does not see me or feel me, or hear me,  and perhaps she never has.

 

For much of my life I have tried to empower her and give her everything she wanted or needed.  She has always been my trusted friend and confident, or so I thought.  I have always been hers. But what does it take to withdraw Lovingly from this ’empty well’  when this has been all you’ve ever known?  Total and complete Awareness.  Consciousness.  Clarity.

 

Every day I focus my Intention and Hearts Desires on only the Good.  I am aligned and filled with Spirit. I am open to Inspiration.  I am Divinely Guided.  Tomorrow I am Blessed with the Presence of Deepak Chopra.  After an intimate gathering we will connect once again, since my 40th Birthday in La Jolla, at The Chopra Center, when Deepak had his first Retreat Center there.  We connected.  We mediated.  We shared. This Sunday we shall reconnect once again and meet as if it were the first time…  Thank God for Grace, Miracles, and Divine Timing!  I am so Blessed!  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Caring & Caregiving ~ Going Beyond Your Comfort Zone

Caring & Caregiving ~    Going Beyond Your Comfort Zone.

Caring & Caregiving ~ Going Beyond Your Comfort Zone.

Caring & Caregiving ~ Going Beyond Your Comfort Zone.

December 17, 2013

Today I choose to get outside my comfort zone of doing the norm.  My wings spread in the act of caregiving for another, and not in my ‘chosen area of focus’ – which is Beauty, Design and Writing…clearly the Gifts I have been given from the Divine.

 

Today I chose to take care of an elderly woman and bring her to a Doctor for a much needed examination and treatment of her horribly infected and swollen legs. They desperately needed care, and so did she.  Love and Healing in a Graceful, accepting way was the opening for this woman. I did not expect to be asked to ‘stay’ with her in the examination room when the Doctor walked in, but she wanted me there, so I stayed, as if I were a Loving Daughter.  Support and unconditional Love can be very Present, even in the eyes and heart of someone you hardly know.

 

He unwrapped her bandages and many stockings that held in the fluids and muscles that were sagging and open and wounded beyond belief, with almost all the colors of the rainbow.  As he unraveled and unwrapped, I just held this woman’s hand and gave her a look and feeling of Love that was unspoken and unconditional, but felt.  Somehow she knew I was there to let her know it was all OK, that it was all right. She was going to be fine.

 

The Doc prescribed a treatment that was not approved yet by the FDA, but had a 75% success rate and in clinical trials. She wanted to take the paperwork home and ‘think’ about it.  After a few encouraging conversations from Doc, Nurse and myself, she made the decision to ‘Just Do It’!

 

Have YOU heard those words before:  JUST DO IT!  This precious old woman is close to 90 and she is just ‘doing it’ all alone, by herself, without any family or friends nearby. Imagine what kind of COURAGE she has!  Imagine how BRAVE she is. Imagine how SIGNIFICANT a Friend, a warm smile, a hand to hold, a new breath of Life can be to someone who has no one . . . or maybe she does, and I just don’t know about it.

 

Today I encourage you to go out and touch someone’s heart that needs touching. Feed them, hold them, touch them, feel them, be Present to them, and then embrace them. Let them know they are not alone, even if they feel they are. Let them know you care, and you are available to them. Let them FEEL YOUR LOVE that is forever and always deep inside of you to shower upon others, and in the act of doing so, you are Loved!

 

I am a part-time caregiver for my elderly Mother who is 90.  She distances herself from me and still, to this day, I do not know why.  I don’t question it, I JUST DO IT. . . whatever needs being done. Sometimes that means Loving her from a distance, sometimes its close up and personal, sometimes its just in the doing or being. . . every day is different. The only one steady I have is my unconditional Love for her.  It is constant.  It is vibrant.  It is unconditional.  It is infinite. It is beautiful. It has no beginning and no end. It is as it is.

 

I recognize so clearly that these are our last days and years together and I am filled with GRATITUDE for all the LOVE we have shared and continue to share.  Sometimes it has been hard, porous, rough, difficult, and full of anguish and pain.  Other times it has filled us up with so much joy, laughter, happiness, hope, inspiration, and clear access to the Heart of the Divine.

 

Every day is a new day. I never know what will arrive on my Platter of Possibilities. I am in the field of Divine Love and Divine Potential, and when the Divine speaks to me and moves through me, I will clearly know it and act upon it. But this day, today, this moment in time, I am acting on the impulse to ‘do for others as you would have them do unto you.’  I am being fully Present and acting out of Divine Inspiration for those that need my help, want my help and reach out for my help.  I am here. Ready. Willing. Available. Able.  Present.

 

Is there someone in your Life that needs your Love. . . or your help?  Is there someone you can open up your Heart to today?

 

JUST DO IT.  Be consciously aware of what is within you, beside you, and around you.  Be fully Present to this moment. Embrace the Divine Love that is always within you and around you. You will be infinitely Blessed in doing so.

 

For this one moment today, I left this lovely woman with a Christmas card and hugged her warmly, but gently, as she was so fragile. I don’t think she has been held or hugged for a very long time. . . but today, she allowed me to do it, and in that moment I gave her my full Heart.